


My only sunshine

by SWModdy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Minor comfort, Pain, Qui-Gon hurts HARD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2020-05-13 07:55:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19247008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SWModdy/pseuds/SWModdy
Summary: Life takes a different twist on Naboo and with one simple change, life will never be the same for Qui-Gon Jinn.





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t suppose to end this way.

Qui-Gon hadn’t known what to expect when the Sith appeared at the end of the hanger. He knew that the good guys didn’t always win, that even when you did your best that sometimes you lost and you lost _horribly_.

But you weren’t suppose to lose your _child_.

Wasn’t that what the rest of the galaxy said?

You weren’t supposed to loose your child even though Qui-Gon had seen it too many times to dare count them?

Seen grieving, broken parents, barely able to stand as they gave burial rites to their children who may not even have reached the first ten years of their lives?

And yet it had always seemed unreal to Qui-Gon, the grieving parents, the lost siblings or friends.

_Parents_ weren’t suppose to watch their children die.

And yet here Qui-Gon sat, Obi-Wan held up against his chest as he tried to keep the other anchored to life with what little strength he had left to spare after the fight with the Sith that had fallen down the melting Pit.

Obi-Wan, who was barely clinging to life, his too long braid wrapped around Qui-Gon’s fist as the larger Jedi held him tight.

Obi-Wan who was bisected, his guts close to spilling out if it wasn’t for how a lightsaber cauterized the wounds.

Desperately holding his padawan to his chest, Qui-Gon swallowed thickly as the other wheezed against his chest.

Qui-Gon wouldn’t have the strength to hold him to life soon, he was tired, he was old and Obi-Wan had nothing left to give either as he was starting to grow numb. Qui-Gon was going to loose _his_ child.

“Mast-ah.” Obi-Wan slurred out past the pain and the weakness.

“Save your strength Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon whispered, tightening his grasp on the torso and braid, as if that could somehow anchor the other to life. “The Naboo are going to send someone to check on us, you just need to hold on Obi-Wan.” He got out in a guttural tone.

A weak hand touched his forearm, pale fingers wrapped around the beige cloth as Qui-Gon looked down at Obi-Wan’s pale, too pale, face as the other managed a shaken smile. “…Sing?” The other whispered.

Opening his mouth, Qui-Gon stared at the other as his jaw wobbled before he swallowed, tears pouring down his face and into his beard

The smell of charred flesh and the sound of the burning pits and the ray shields faded away to the back of his mind as he clung to his slowly dying padawan. “…You are my sunshine…” Qui-Gon shakily got out, licking his lips desperately when his voice broke.

Obi-Wan made a hitched noise into his throat.

“My only sunshine,” Qui-Gon rubbed his nose against the sweat slicked short hair, arms shaking as Obi-Wan got out a shaking laugh as his forehead rested against Qui-Gon’s neck. “You make me happy, when skies are gray.”

His padawan’s breath hitched again, a pained spasm passing through him as Qui-Gon tucked the others head under his chin.

Another pained spasm and Obi-Wan’s hand fell limply from his master’s arm and into his lap. “You’ll never know dear, how much I love you…” Obi-Wan fell limp in his arms and Qui-Gon clenched his eyes shut. “So _please_ don’t take my sunshine away….” He whispered brokenly.

For a moment, with the shifting sounds of the ray shields, the melting pit and the lingering smell of charred flesh, Qui-Gon just sat there, clinging to his young padawan.

And then he screamed.

It was an inhumane sound, bellowed from the deepest pit from an animal being tortured in the worst of ways as electronic popped and sizzled, the ray shields malfunctioning and lights breaking as Qui-Gon clung to the now still body of his padawan.

And then only grim silence was left as Qui-Gon cried silently into copper red hair mixed with blond strands, slowly rocking back and forth with Obi-Wan held to his chest and shoulder. 


	2. What we remember and the leases we break

It’s one of those things that no one can’t seem to remember differently of now, so many years later.

Mace Windu has always been bald.

Yoda has always been old.

Jocasta’s robes has always been golden with her sternness being a part of the Archive.

And Qui-Gon Jinn has always been white haired with black tunics and robes.

That’s just how it’s always been.

But for those who remember, there was a time when Qui-Gon Jinn’s robes were beige and his hair was the mix of chestnut and silver and his face was less lined with the wrinkles of age compared to smiling wrinkles.

Age has come early for Qui-Gon particular kind of subhuman species.

And beyond that, there was a time when Qui-Gon Jinn laughed easily.

Now he only laughs far and few in between and only smiles faux that he passes off as genuine to those is on mission for or the genuine ones for his padawan.

But he’s smiling now, however faintly, as he watches his young padawan duel a Maul holo program from the same fight that he had against the creature. Oh Qui-Gon knows, it’s moves that Anakin can study but you learn from that, you learn and many has gathered to watch as it’s not often the Sith recording gets brought out.

Especially not while the Jedi in question who conquered the Sith is there to watch.

Qui-Gon can’t tell if it’s respect or a mix of worry that makes people avoid the Maul records pulled from Naboo and the melting factory and he’s not oblivious to the nervous looks sent his way not only from padawans but also master’s as Anakin continues battling.

He only stiffens when he takes note of the Chancellor in the crowd, speaking with Mace while also watching Anakin.

That man has an unhealthy interest in his padawan and Qui-Gon did not like and would not accept him interfering with Anakin’s training.

Swiftly shifting from the rails, Qui-Gon made his way towards the Chancellor and Mace, the crowd parting for him like the waves of an ocean.

Qui-Gon had to admit, outside of Anakin, he had become brusque with people, so this action was wise on their part.

And when he got close enough to hear, he felt his blood boil. “I believe,” He murmured loud enough for both Chancellor and Mace to jump in surprise, both absorbed in their conversation and not paying attention to the environment. Foolish, that’s how you died, that’s how you lost someone. “That in the end, _I_ am Anakin’s master and guardian and _I_ do not see why I should leave my underage padawan alone with an older man that neither of us are overly familiar with, regardless of his position of power. Indeed I question the wisdom of someone using said power seat to indeed ensure such a meeting.” He stated, his voice low and snappish.

And full of insinuations.

Aged blue and silvery eyes clashed, a second of anger in those silver eyes that had Qui-Gon pulling up in defense.

Oh, Qui-Gon was quite aware that he was still an intimidating figure, towering over many people, silver hair pulled back in a braid Anakin had insisted on creating earlier and all decked out in black just like his own former master.

In front of him, many people become small and that included the Chancellor.

“I was simply offering my guidance to young Anakin, I’m sure you understand Master Jinn.” The swarmy snake offered, a ‘benign’ smile on his lips.

Narrowing his eyes in disgust, Qui-Gon drew his lips in a humorless smile. “Then you find my guidance unsatisfactory? I can easily guide you to the JYP office?” Qui-Gon raised his brow.

Behind the Chancellor, Qui-Gon could barely see Mace dropping his face in his hands.

A strained smile appeared on the Chancellor’s face. “That will be… unnecessary, I do not believe we will have to involve the Jedi Youngling protection service… I apologize if I’ve overstepped my bounds Master Jinn.”  He inclined his head ever so slightly.

Qui-Gon stared at the man mutely for a moment before turning his back on him, feeling the flash of rage in the Force and inwardly smiling to himself at the lack of decorum the Chancellor just showed to every gathered Jedi. Quite a few stepped away as they before had leaned in to listen but Qui-Gon just settled a hand on the rail again and peered over, smiling faintly once more as he watched Anakin go for the kill.

‘That’s right. In a battle against the Sith, don’t hesitate Anakin. Kill the fear, kill the hesitation and survive, come back to me. A plan never survives first contact with the enemy and therefore you have to kill the fear in your heart of the enemy and the response to your tactics.’ Qui-Gon sent his affection along their bond, quiet and calm so not to disturb the teen.

Anakin didn’t pause, finished the mou kei despite what anyone thought about it.

Because that was what Qui-Gon had taught him, to not hesitate when the Sith were involved. Because Qui-Gon did not believe it was over.

It was not over, there are still Sith out there, only the apprentice died.

The boy paused, panting, watching as Maul fell before turning excitedly and looked up at Qui-Gon, blue eyes wide, hopeful only to for his face to transform into a wide smile when Qui-Gon smiled softly down at him in turn, pride and affection sent to his equally dark clothed padawan, though that is more out of convenience for the oil stains and fluids from working on mech.

It should have ended there, the holo.

It didn’t, someone had calibrated it wrongly and he knew that wasn’t Anakin.

Qui-Gon entire body froze when suddenly a much younger him ran past Anakin, clearly startling the blond. “Obi-Wan!” The shout reverberated even up to the balcony as Qui-Gon hand tightened on the rail with his other finding a longer than it should be length of braided and decorated hair curled around his belt loop and he could see Anakin freeze just as much as Qui-Gon.

Anakin had been the first to find the two Jedi so many years ago…

He could feel others suddenly hold their breath as they realized too what this was as Qui-Gon in holo form dropped to his knees and lifted another person into view, Obi-Wan groaning in pain and flopping powerlessly against Qui-Gon’s chest, the younger master staring down in horror. “Force.” Qui-Gon of the past hissed, staring down at where Obi-Wan was barely being kept together.

The phantom smell of charred flesh rose in Qui-Gon’s nose, nausea as he watched himself whisper reassurances and desperately tried to do anything for his padawan, looking for help only to settle back when he knew nothing would come, still trying to reassure Obi-Wan.

There is nothing to be done, no one to save Obi-Wan and just a last request of a song from a dying man as he weakly grasps Qui-Gon’s forearm with a knowing smile on what was pale lips.

Just the quiet song of an already grieving man until Obi-Wan’s hand falters and Qui-Gon is alone.

There’s a moment, quiet and full as the man in the holo tightens his grip on what is obviously now a dead body.

And then he screams.

Even all these years after in a holo image, there is power in that scream and Qui-Gon only watches with faint detachment as the holo distorts, as his muted scream from the sound speakers echos into the temple for the first time.

He absently notes that Anakin has frozen at the control now, having tried to shut the supposed training holo down but Qui-Gon doesn’t take his eyes fully off the holo even as a light above them sparks and breaks with the power of what should be a long forgotten scream, never played in the temple before as out of respect, the council had let Qui-Gon’s grief be his own.

And then the holo collects itself as the quiet sounds of grief echos instead, Qui-Gon pulling Obi-Wan’s body to him even tighter with his face buried in blue hair that Qui-Gon still remembers the shade of red on.

Still remembers the copper shade mixed with blond from missions on sunny planets, his sunshine.

Qui-Gon’s sunshine, with a cocky, impish smile and a clever remark from one who pretends to be so austere to everyone else, pretends tranquility.

A hand finds his on the belt and Qui-Gon breaks from the sounds of his own grief and his own memories to look down, finding Anakin staring up at him with worry on his face, his small hand tight on Qui-Gon’s before the boy shifts in front of him and reaches up, carefully drying his own master’s tears.

A rusty chuckle escaped Qui-Gon at that. “Thank you padawan, I believe we have meditations now,” He murmured, smiling before lifting his eyes on the Chancellor, finding Mace looking away. One of many Jedi looking away from an old man’s grief in respect. Not the Chancellor though. “If you still have concerns about my teachings of Anakin, once more, you can go to the JYP as I stated.” Qui-Gon stated as calmly as possible.

He could see Anakin bristle a bit, felt his smaller hand tighten on Qui-Gon’s as he turned to the Chancellor in outrage.

But whatever words Anakin had for the Chancellor, he bit them in much to Qui-Gon’s pride and instead leads his old master around the Chancellor, his face the picture of outrage still as he does.

Qui-Gon shifts his hand a bit, away from the braid and instead to wrap around Anakin’s, letting the boy lead him away to their own quarters.


	3. His moonlight

There had been a time when the very young padawan questioned his place at his master’s side.

When all he could think about was how his master couldn’t enter the padawan bedroom and seemed so faint and far away, his gaze often trapped in corners and places as if he saw someone else, his thumb gently caressing the braided length of hair attached to his belt.

But Anakin had quickly overcome that, when he one night had woken up.

What had woken him, a noise, the Force, just his internal clock not yet being adjusted to Coruscant he did not know, but the end result had still been that he had padded into the living room of the quarters quietly in search of water.

The room was dim, just a single lamp on the wall giving light at all and that made sense since it was clearly the middle of the night and the light was only on in case someone needed to go to the fresher.

But Anakin never did go fetch that water as he found his master quietly sitting on the couch, wearing a black bathrobe with little bunnies of all things stitched onto the edge in pink thread.

Standing awkwardly in the door opening, holding onto the door, Anakin shifted as he stared at Qui-Gon with wide eyes.

The master peered back at him before smiling slightly. “Couldn’t sleep?” He murmured, patting the couch.

Shuffling forward until he could climb up onto the couch, Anakin nodded slightly. “Yeah, I guess… what about you mr Qui-Gon?” He stared at the other.

The Jedi looked back into his lap, Anakin’s eyes involuntarily following to find a small projector on the others lap. “Just… looking at some old memories.” The man murmured, rubbing the on button with his thumb.

It was an old projector, Anakin could tell honestly, he was a tech wiz after all and that thing was old.

Glancing back up the master, Anakin let out a soft noise.

The man instantly looked at him before smiling that same, slight, slightly sad but genuine smile. “Do you want to see?” He questioned, pushing on the button when Anakin nodded.

The dim living room instantly lit up with the projection.

It was an image projection!

A younger Qui-Gon and padawan Kenobi stood there, the man’s hand on the boy’s shoulder with a wide smile on both Jedi’s faces and mud covering most of them. The projector started to cycle, going to a different image that looked like it might be the temple, Kenobi alone this time with a human with yellow strip over his face and a mon calamari, all three grinning at the camera with Kenobi in the middle.

Slowly, steadily, the projector continued to cycle through the images, showing Anakin the life of these two Jedi together.

It looked happy, the images gave a narrow window to the happy days and there were a lot of images. Even the ones where they were clearly hurt or sick, there was a tinge of happy.

Of one taking care of the other.

Like the one where Kenobi was clearly sick, Qui-Gon was holding one hand and the other was pressed to Kenobi’s forehead, a furrow on the master’s face of worry.

“When he became my padawan, I wasn’t the best master, the guardian I should have been,” Qui-Gon whispered suddenly, hands tight on the projector before he turned his head to look at Anakin, Anakin shifting between looking at the images and at Qui-Gon. “He deserved so much better and honestly, so do you. But I promise you Anakin, I will do everything in my power to be the best teacher and guardian you could have, I will give everything to ensure you grow up happy and safe and _skilled_.” He swore quietly,.

Blinking, Anakin licked his lips.

He was ten years old and he wasn’t very trained but even he could tell the Force was full of something and slowly he shifted forward, crawling in under Qui-Gon’s arm, though the master quickly lifted his arm enough so the task was easier on Anakin.

Pressing his head to the others chest, Anakin wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon as much as he could. “…I just need you to be yourself mr Qui-Gon.” He whispered.

Slowly, the projector, still on and cycling, was set on the caff table, Qui-Gon slowly pulling Anakin into his lap to hug him to his chest. “…I can do that Anakin. I can do better by you. I can be there for you for as long as you need me.” He whispered, cupping the back of his padawan’s head while holding on tightly.

In the beginning, Anakin had wondered, wondered about his place in the Jedi’s master life, wondered if he should be there, if the other even saw Anakin and not Obi-Wan.

He didn’t wonder anymore after that night, watching the cycling of the images with Qui-Gon’s arms tight around him.

Obi-Wan Kenobi had been the sun of Qui-Gon’s life.

But Anakin would be his moon.

Staring at Obi-Wan’s smiling face in the holo, Anakin tightened his grip on the Jedi master. ‘I’m gonna look after him for you. It’s going to be okay Obi-Wan. I promise to look after him for you.’ He swore internally.


	4. Anniversary

 Watching the skyline, Qui-Gon let out a gusty breath that fogged the air in front of him, automatically lifting his arm when he felt a familiar presence close in behind him from the open door.

Quick like a ferret, Anakin slipped under the arm and leaned against the dark clothed man’s chest, peering at the setting sun before looking up at Qui-Gon as he was squeezed protectively to his master’s side. “You’ve been out here for hours, you should come in.” The teen scolded quietly.

Glancing down, finally removing his eyes from the setting sun, Qui-Gon let a smile rarely seen in the temple these days cross his lips. ‘He’s almost too big to fit below my arm now, he’s going to be a mighty tall one, though not as tall as me.’ He mused internally even as he just hummed in answer, glancing back at the golden, orange and red sun in front of them.

Glancing back then up at his master again, Anakin’s frown deepened. “What are you even doing out here on the balcony, you haven’t been meditating. I can tell when you meditate.” He stated, half chidingly and half worried.

His cracking voice interlaced over another voice that had once said the same words to Qui-Gon on a different balcony and Qui-Gon felt his breath catch in his throat.

Clearly reading something of his face, Anakin’s own fell as he twisted his hands into Qui-Gon’s tunic. “…You’re thinking about Obi-Wan, aren’t you?” He whispered with quiet sorrow.

It was nice to have the comfort of someone as emotional as Anakin close by when Qui-Gon felt like falling apart and he glanced down at the teen with a small smile, squeezing his shoulder gently. “…Two weeks ago, Obi-Wan would have turned thirty two” He finally murmured, watching Anakin’s eyes widen with slight surprise. “And today would have been twenty years since I took him on as a padawan. Had he been alive, I would have invited him to dinner, maybe asked if you minded being alone and taken him out to celebrate the anniversary.” Qui-Gon admitted quietly, Anakin staring up at him with wide eyes.

Slowly, Anakin eased his grip in Qui-Gon’s tunic and instead wrapped his arms around the older man instead, hugging him tightly.

Easing his hand onto Anakin’s upper back, Qui-Gon started slowly rubbing in uneaven circles as he let out a heavy breath. “Instead… I’m here and he’s not. Instead of getting to celebrate someone I know would have made a marvelous knight, I’m left standing here with what little is left of him and told that a Jedi should let go.” Qui-Gon whispered out, feeling Anakin glance at the trail of copper red hair twined around Qui-Gon’s wrist of a too long padawan braid with all the honors Obi-Wan had earned.

Anakin said nothing again, only tightened his hug.

It made Qui-Gon pause before he gave a deep sigh and looked down at the other, giving Anakin a wry smile. “I don’t regret taking you on Anakin. I know we haven’t spoken forthright about this ever but I want you to know Anakin, you are not a replacement nor do you have to ‘live up’ to Obi-Wan or anything of that nature. You are perfect as you are and I adore having you as my padawan, I just…” He trailed off a bit, swallowing thickly enough for his throat to click as he returned to staring at the setting sun that had turned more red than anything now.

It was on the cusp of darkness for sure and Qui-Gon would bet that if he could see the other side of the temple, the shades of blue and purple had started to rise on the other side of the sky.

“You just miss him.” The softly whispered words interrupted Qui-Gon’s thoughts, his head snapping to stare at his blond padawan curled around him like a creeping vine. Blue eyes stared up at him with earnest warmth and worry.

Qui-Gon’s breath hitched in his chest again and he couldn’t help but wonder how he had been so blessed to receive two such brilliant padawans when he himself was nothing more than a broken shell of a man.

“It’s alright to miss him master. He meant a lot to you and I’m not jealous. Because you got space in your heart for both of us even if you’re missing one of us.” Anakin continued.

Force!

Qui-Gon didn’t know how he could be so blessed or when Anakin had grown to be so well adjusted or mature but in that moment he didn’t care how he could be so blessedly lucky as he threw his arms tightly around Anakin and lifted the teen off the floor with his superior height, hugging him tightly as the tears he had been fighting through the day finally released themselves.

No complaint came from his padawan, Anakin simply wrapped his arms around Qui-Gon’s neck and held him tightly to his shoulder, standing on his toes to make up for some of the height as he made a soft, comforting little noise, letting Qui-Gon cry silently into his shoulder.

Catharsis for the broken man, holding onto one of the few lights in his own world that kept him from the eternal dark.


End file.
